


senses

by tototooru



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Homophobia, M/M, Romance, Strangers to Lovers, i dunno about angst tho, its probably there, well if theres homophobia theres angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-06
Updated: 2017-03-05
Packaged: 2018-09-22 11:36:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9606032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tototooru/pseuds/tototooru
Summary: love is not felt with one, but with all of your senses





	1. sight

**Author's Note:**

> "are you gay?"
> 
> "depends. are you homophobic?"
> 
> \--
> 
> changkyun had never expected he'd fall in love with a boy.

_We sometimes encounter people, even perfect strangers, who begin to interest us at first sight, somehow suddenly, all at once, before a word has been spoken._

**— Fyodor Dostoevsky**

~~~

The park was filled with the sound of kids' laughter that Changkyun was trying to ignore. He was too busy sitting by the river and trying to focus on drawing what was on the other side of it. He usually went out to draw with his best friend, but this time she wasn't available, so he had to go by himself, because he was too bored at home.

He had forgotten his headphones and he had to deal with people all alone, which was a complete nightmare. Sometimes someone would stop behind him and watch him draw, making Changkyun really nervous, but other times people were actually starting conversations with him and he had to be as polite as possible even if he had to answer the same questions over and over again (sometimes to the same person).

Once again Changkyun heard someone stopping behind him, making him really uncomfortable. He was just hoping he didn't have to answer any questions this time. The previous person that had talked to him didn't stop asking questions for around 30 minutes, so he felt exhausted.

If no one talked to him, he would just pretend they're not there and draw as if there's no tension weighing on his shoulders.

"Isn't this a bit lower?" The other bent down, pointing at one of the houses Changkyun had drawn. At first the only thing he saw was a boy's face that was too close to his own, but then the stranger moved and let him see it himself.

"What?" Changkyun looked at the houses, squinting a bit, then he compared them to his drawing. "You're right... Thanks," he mumbled while trying to fix it nervously.

"You're welcome."

The other male decided to sit next to him and continued watching. If Changkyun had to be honest he felt kind of annoyed because the other didn't even ask if he could sit there, he just did. He glanced over at him with the corner of his eye. The first thought that passed his mind was that the stranger was quite attractive, but under his hat he could see strands of pink hair and Changkyun found it kind of weird since he was a boy. If he tried ignoring the pink, the stranger looked really decent.

"I'm not bothering you, right?" The stranger made sure to ask.

From what Changkyun saw (or heard) so far, he understood that the other was genuinely polite and he just didn't have the heart to tell him that he was, in fact, slightly bothered by his presence. "You can stay as long as you want to," Changkyun responded with a half-assed smile.

"I'm Kihyun, by the way," the stranger introduced himself, obviously trying his best to start a conversation of any kind.

"Changkyun," the ashy blond haired male mumbled, looking at the other again. "Are you also an artist?"

Kihyun hummed, tilting his head to the side, almost as if he didn't know the correct answer to the question. "I was before but I gave up because I realized it wasn't my thing."

Without saying anything, Changkyun put his masonite board on Kihyun's lap. He took a blank paperboard and a pencil, handing them to the other. After that he used his own folder as a board and continued drawing quietly.

At first Kihyun felt quite unsure and even a bit confused, but eventually he started drawing, too.

\--

"Are there always this many people just walking to you and asking the same questions over and over again?" Kihyun whispered after a person like that had just walked away.

"You don't even know how often," Changkyun rolled his eyes, expressing how annoyed he felt by that. "But there's no way to be all alone without anyone bothering you, so you just put up with it."

"It's really annoying," Kihyun pouted, looking over at Changkyun's drawing. He impulsively stretched his arm and drew a sun with a smiley face on the other's paper.

"Why?" Changkyun raised an eyebrow.

"It's better that way," Kihyun smiled warmly.

Changkyun glanced at Kihyun's drawing, suddenly feeling his jaw drop. "Are you really sure that art isn't your thing, because I definitely am not."

"I'm sure."

Kihyun continued drawing, feeling embarrassed because of Changkyun's reaction. He was well aware that his drawing wasn't anything that special, but the other couldn't stop praising him for his talent.

For a while Changkyun was pretending that he was looking at Kihyun's drawing, but he was actually looking at Kihyun. When the other glanced at him, Changkyun was quick to fix his gaze on the drawing, not getting caught.

At some point the other took his hat off to fix his hair and put it back on. His hair was indeed pink - a really bright shade on top of that. But Changkyun was already thinking about how it suited him.

As if he was slowly starting to realize how a boy's hair being pink didn't matter at all as long as he looked good or at least _felt_ good about himself in that color. And Kihyun looked absolutely stunning.

Changkyun shook his head, waving off his thoughts, and continued drawing as if he hadn't been staring at the other for almost twenty minutes.

Neither of them realized for how long they had been drawing until Kihyun noticed that the sun was setting, causing the buildings to reflect the sun's vibrant orange lightning.

The pink haired boy carefully returned the masonite board to Changkyun, hinting that not only he himself, but the other had to go home, too.

Changkyun put all of the supplies in his folder and got up, stretching. Kihyun frowned a bit as he heard the sounds the boy's bones made because of the long amount of time he hadn't gotten up, but then his own bones made the exactly same popping sounds just from getting up.

They started heading in the same direction until their ways had to part.

And if Changkyun had to be completely honest, he wanted to suggest walking Kihyun home just so he was with him longer.

But he found that thought of his quite weird and it just wasn't right, so he didn't say anything.

"Will I see you again?" Kihyun asked with a little bit of hope in his voice.

"I will be around the same place tomorrow," Changkyun smiled. "If you're not busy you can join me, perhaps?"

"I'm not sure about tomorrow..."

Suddenly Changkyun took out a piece of paperboard and a pencil from his folder and wrote his phone number. He handed the paper to Kihyun afterwards. "Give me a call whenever you're free."

A wide smile curved on Kihyun's lips as he nodded excitedly and put the paper in his pocket.

The two boys bid their goodbyes and headed back to their homes.


	2. hearing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i actually uploaded all of this on wattpad and forgot about ao3 oops

_Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent._

**— Victor Hugo**

~~~

Changkyun had barely gotten home when his phone started buzzing in his pocket. He took it out with a groan. The moment he saw Kihyun's name on his display he really took a moment, wondering if he should answer the call, now internally groaning that he had to make a choice like that.

He picked up, the first thing he heard from the other side being really loud music. "Kihyun?"

" _Hey, Changkyun,_ " Kihyun was almost screaming just so he could be heard louder than the music. " _I will sing in this one club near the town center, do you want to come watch me_?"

"So first you show off with your drawing talent and now you want to brag with your voice?" Changkyun smiled, wondering if Kihyun's  singing was as melodic and beautiful as his voice when he was talking.

"I just want some support." By the way his voice sounded, Changkyun understood that the pink haired boy was also smiling.

After receiving the address of the club, Changkyun went outside again. He was really wondering if it was a good idea to go. Lately, the more he talked with Kihyun, the more he questioned the pink haired boy's behavior and his preferences. Preferences meaning sexuality. Sexuality meaning that he was almost sure that Kihyun was gay or at least bisexual.

Changkyun really didn't want to put Kihyun under any stereotype, but it was already getting too much - he closed his eyes for the pink hair, but his personality wasn't a thing one could change.

So, naturally, Changkyun had started keeping some distance between himself and Kihyun.  He didn't really want to communicate with a gay person and it would be a big disappointment if Kihyun turned out being one, because Changkyun actually saw him as a friend and liked being in his company.

\--

There was a small stairway leading down into the club Kihyun was in and as Changkyun walked in, he saw the familiar bright pink hair right away. Now looking even more vivid because of the strong surrounding lightning.

Kihyun was holding the hand of a taller boy, whose hair was silver and had blue tips. Just like Kihyun, he also looked quite attractive. They were just talking and laughing next to the stage. It looked innocent and not much of a big deal, but Changkyun had already jumped on a few conclusions. But, in fact, Kihyun just felt really nervous, that was why he was holding the other's hand.

When the older noticed Changkyun he quickly let go of the other's hand and walked to Changkyun with a wide smile. "Thank you for coming," he said and just when Changkyun was convinced his smile couldn't grow any bigger, he was proved wrong.

The ashy blond male didn't really know what to say for he felt kind of awkward. Kihyun noticed that his gaze shifted to his friend.

"That's Hoseok, my duet partner," Kihyun explained calmly. "I have to go," the older said, hugging Changkyun.

"Good luck," Changkyun said, gently patting the other male on the back, feeling his warmth.

As Changkyun was searching for an empty table, Kihyun and Hoseok got on stage, making sure all the equipment worked as it was supposed to be. After a few minutes of sound check and introduction the two males started singing in perfect synchronization.

Just as expected, it was a love song. It really fit both Kihyun and Hoseok, but it seemed like the pink haired boy was more into it. He sang with so much passion, pouring out all of his feelings.

The younger was so immersed in Kihyun's voice that he hadn't realized that the two of them were looking at each other in the eyes. And when he did, he also noticed how Kihyun was making small gestures towards him with his hands and sometimes with his head.

That was when Changkyun knew - the song was about him. That was why Kihyun had invited him. Not for any other reason. Not because he wanted support. He was actually confessing.

And suddenly the ashy blond male felt uncomfortable. He didn't want to be there anymore. Kihyun also noticed that the mood between them had changed, but he continued singing, not letting the negative feelings to get to him.

\--

Kihyun felt like he fucked up. He shouldn't had called Changkyun. He hadn't even expected such a reaction. He really thought their feelings were mutual, but it was probably nothing but his imagination.

He had called Changkyun to the changing room after Hoseok went out again. He was waiting nervously, thinking what to tell the younger. He jumped as he heard the door opening. Changkyun peeked in to make sure Kihyun was there and then he quietly walked in and sat on a chair opposite of the armchair the pink haired male was sitting on.

Just when Kihyun opened his mouth after a long silence, Changkyun spoke, interrupting him. "Kihyun, do you like me?"

"I do..." Kihyun blushed, looking away from the other.

"For how long?"

"Just... a few weeks..." He had started playing with his thumbs nervously, feeling how Changkyun's gaze was getting more and more intense.

The answer to the next question Changkyun had was probably going to decide if they were going to continue being friends. He really didn't want to ask. "Are you gay?"

"Depends."

"On?"

"Are you homophobic?"

Changkyun frowned, looking down at his hands and asking himself the same question inside his head a few times. "I just... Can't accept people like that being around me..."

"You're free to leave then," Kihyun bit out with a cold yet calm voice. "I can't accept people like you being around me either." Now he was looking at Changkyun in the eyes, not letting any emotion out of himself.  "For a second I thought you were looking at me with the same eyes. And trust me, you really were. But now I understand that you're plain disgusting."

The younger was about to say something, but he really didn't know what. Was he really looking at Kihyun the same way? It didn't even sound realistic because he wasn't like that. Not even close to that.

Kihyun pointed at the door, making him leave.

Thankfully, he did.

The pink haired male almost immediately burst out in tears. Even when Hoseok walked in, asking him all kinds of questions, Kihyun just didn't have any strength to answer.

He found himself wrapped in Hoseok's arms, embraced by warmth, but the only thing he thought about was how he wished that to be Changkyun.


	3. smell

_Nothing revives the past so completely as a smell that was once associated with it._

**— Vladimir Nabokov**

~~~

It had been a few weeks of failed attempts to contact Kihyun. Changkyun couldn't get over the fact that they weren't seeing each other anymore. He realized how much he held onto Kihyun and that it didn't even matter what he was. Not anymore. All that mattered was that he actually missed him.

At first he was only sending messages, but soon he even started calling the pink haired boy. He was sure Kihyun was just sitting and waiting for Changkyun to give up on calling, so he could continue using his phone.

After so long, visiting the club Kihyun sang in, sounded like a great idea... Until Hoseok didn't tell him Kihyun didn't work there anymore. He refused telling him anything else.

So there was him, sitting in bed, considering sending a voicemail. It was the last thing he could do.

"Kihyun, I'm really sorry," Changkyun spoke with a shaky voice after hearing the already familiar "beep" signal he usually hung up right after. "I'm ready to change myself. I just want to be friends with you again. And I... _Miss you._ If you ever picked up I would've had the chance to say that earlier." For a while he was silent. He had so much more to say. He knew he had. But none of these words were coming out.

"You know I'm not really good with words, so, if you want to, come draw with me by the river tomorrow."

When he was done, he left his phone aside, rubbing his face with his palms.

\--

Kihyun was hugging his pillow, staring at his phone while listening to the voicemail from Changkyun.

When it was finally over, he locked his phone and rolled on the other side, staring at the piece of paper Changkyun had written his number on not so long ago.

Almost four months had passed since they met and already one of them was being spent by them not communicating.

Kihyun wasn't sure renewing that friendship was a good idea. He knew that homophobic people didn't change. He had met a lot, therefore he didn't quite trust Changkyun about that.

But he was sure that the rest was said with full sincerity. The way his voice sounded made it obvious that he really meant it when he said he missed Kihyun.

The pink haired boy screamed into his pillow in an attempt to release the stress that had piled up inside him. The stress was obviously still there. And he couldn't clear his thoughts at all.

He wiped away the tears that were pooling in his eyes and got up, walking to his wardrobe. He opened it to find his folder from the times when he used to draw.

He was wondering if he should give Changkyun a second chance, if he should go draw with him again.

He didn't want to waste his day for a person who wasn't worth even a second of his time. And that was exactly the problem. Changkyun didn't deserve Kihyun's time. But, on the other hand, the fact that he was so innocent (though in a way that made him seem quite dumb) was what made Kihyun weak.

Kihyun slowly pulled the folder out of the wardrobe, checking if he had unused paperboard. His lips slightly curved upwards as he saw the blank papers.

\--

Changkyun was sitting on the opposite side of where he met Kihyun.

The day was rather quiet and there weren't many people around. Or it was just that it was rather early on a weekend for people go out.

The only loud thing around was the sound of the river, which wasn't annoying but actually calming.

Changkyun didn't want to draw yet, so he was just looking at the water while drinking coffee, messed with a solid amount of energy drink.

Most people would question Changkyun for putting energy drink instead of sugar in his coffee, but he liked it that way.

The hours were passing agonizingly slowly and it felt like he had been waiting the whole day, but it turned out to be just two hours.

Kihyun was always on time, so he was probably not going to come. Changkyun had sent him a text message to also tell him the hour he was going to arrive there.

The ashy blond male started drawing, discarding the thought of Kihyun. At least at the end of the day he was going to have a finished drawing if not anything else.

\--

A sigh came out of Changkyun's nostrils as he checked his phone to discover that six hours had already passed.

He was right and it was more than obvious. Kihyun wasn't going to show up.

He got up, putting his things in his folder, ready to go, when he saw someone on the opposite side of the river. Exactly the same someone Changkyun had been waiting.

A wide smile spread across his face as he was heading towards the pink haired male.

When he finally reached him, he didn't even say a word, didn't ask him why he was so late. He just hugged him.

He felt his heart flutter when Kihyun also wrapped his arms around him.

"Thank you for coming," Changkyun whispered, burying his face in the crook of the other's neck, inhaling his scent. "Thank you so much."

"I'm really sorry I'm late," Kihyun spoke as fast as his heart was beating. Even Changkyun could feel it. "I stayed up really late last night and I slept through my alarms."

"So you were sleeping until now?" Changkyun snorted. The pink haired male just nodded.

Changkyun didn't want to let go. It felt as if he did, he was going to lose Kihyun again.

"You smell like strawberries."

"It's from my shampoo," Kihyun chuckled at how sweet Changkyun was.

Suddenly, the blond pulled away, grabbing Kihyun by the shoulders and throwing him a creepily serious look. "Please, never change it. Ever. If you change it, I will sue you."

Kihyun started giggling loudly. The younger didn't even seem threatening with that look on his face, though he tried so hard. He looked rather cute.

It was already too late for drawing. And both of them weren't even in the mood for that.

"Do you want to come over at my house?" Kihyun asked. "We will just play games, nothing else!" He was quick to add as he saw Changkyun's expression.

"Okay then."

They started heading to Kihyun's house, Changkyun carrying both of their folders.

And the younger really wondered if Kihyun's whole room smelled like strawberries, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *daesung voice* smeeeeeeeeell


	4. touch

_This is what it means to be loved... when someone wants to touch you, to be tender..._

**― Banana Yoshimoto, The Lake**

~~~

"It's weird," Changkyun mumbled, gazing down at his hand that was being held by Kihyun's, their fingers interlaced. By the obvious blush spread across his cheeks, Kihyun understood that the younger was more or less embarrassed. "I really don't know how to feel about that."

Kihyun let go of him after a few more seconds. "Is it any different than holding a girl's hand?"

The ashy blond shrugged. "I've only held my best friend's hand... But I guess this felt different. It was more special in a way." Kihyun smiled because of Changkyun's statement.

"What concerns me, is that boys shouldn't do that."

"Why?" Kihyun tilted his head.

Through the whole day he was trying to get answers to similar questions because Changkyun was really trying to change in the sake of the pink haired boy, but his way of thinking was still off. Even Changkyun was getting angry that he was like that.

"Doesn't that make them gay? Or a couple in general or..." Most of his answers were making Kihyun want to giggle, though, he couldn't because they were talking seriously and he thought that Changkyun would've gotten even more uncomfortable.

"You were holding my hand just a moment ago. Did it make you gay?" Changkyun shook his head. "And did it make us a couple?" He received the same gesture by Changkyun. "Exactly. You see, it's accepted that when a boy and a girl are holding hands they're automatically a couple, when two boys hold hands - they're gay, but if two girls hold hands - they're just good friends. But sometimes it's not like that. Remember that night when you saw me holding Hoseok's hand?"

Changkyun nodded. "It's not because there's anything _more_ between us. I was just building up courage and holding someone's hand really helps."

After that being said, silence followed for a few minutes. The younger grabbed Kihyun's hand again, making the latter's heart skip a beat.

"What if I like holding your hand just because?" Changkyun looked at Kihyun.

"You just do it, because I like holding yours, too." Kihyun rested his head on Changkyun's shoulder, smiling.

For a while Changkyun was thinking about everything Kihyun said, understanding how right he was. He ended up resting his head on Kihyun's, his grip on the older's hand getting tighter.

He wasn't even going to lie to himself, he just had to accept the fact that he was probably starting to like Kihyun for he felt weirdly comfortable with him.

It hadn't been a short time for him to realize it. It wouldn't be a short time for him to learn to live with that either.

What he knew for sure was that he felt attached to Kihyun in a way more special than just being his friend.

Kihyun was so delicate and perfect - just like a flower. Changkyun was convinced that there was no way anyone could not fall in love with him. The thought of that happening seemed so unrealistic.

"But let's just assume I like you," Changkyun spoke again, bringing Kihyun's attention to himself again. "Does that make me gay?"

"If it will help you sleep at night - no. Not necessarily. Why?" Kihyun looked up at Changkyun and positioned himself better, so they were at the same eye level.

"Because I might like you," Changkyun mumbled out as fast as he could. His whole face immediately flushed red.

"Are you sure?"

The younger nodded, making Kihyun want to squeal because of how happy he suddenly. Changkyun's hand slowly and shakily cupped the latter's cheek, brushing his thumb against it.

They pressed their foreheads together, their noses brushing against each other.

Changkyun was going to lie if he said that all of this felt wrong. It was more than right.

Being with Kihyun was right although he was a boy. He just brought a feeling of warmth and safety. And most importantly - home.

\--

Changkyun lifted himself up from the bed, so he was sitting, and quickly checked the time. His eyes widened as he saw that it was 11PM and he was still at Kihyun's. He had no idea how fast time flew, but, for sure, it wasn't a speed that the blond currently liked.

He quietly got up and took his hoodie. He was about to head out of the room, but, apparently, Kihyun was awake, too, and Changkyun felt like a person who _mysteriously_ got in someone's bed after getting drunk at a bar.

"Where are you going?" Kihyun murmured sleepily.

"It's late, I have to go home."

"Stay here." Kihyun patted the still warm place Changkyun was previously lying on.

Changkyun's hand was already on the handle, but he was having an internal monologue, asking himself if he should stay.

The older looked so peaceful and Changkyun really wanted to spend the night with him. He let go of the handle with a sigh, leaving his hoodie on a chair again, and lied down next to Kihyun.

Kihyun wrapped his arms around Changkyun's waist, burying his face in his chest. Though his heartbeat was fast, it was calming. Kihyun was glad that he was able to make the boy's heart race like that. Or his heart just usually beat fast.

"I'm so thankful I met you, Kihyun." Changkyun started stroking the other's pink hair gently. "You know how hard I'm trying to change. I can't even believe you actually decided to talk to me again, not to mention helping me open my eyes. And if it wasnt you, I wasn't going to fall in love any time soon."

Kihyun's quiet giggles were muffled because of Changkyun's T-shirt. " _You're so sweet._ "

"I'm not."

"Of course you'd say that."

\--

Kihyun woke up screaming and crying because of a nightmare. He was wondering how was it even possible that he almost never had nightmares, but when Changkyun was sleeping over for the first time, he had to have one.

He tried calming down as soon as he felt arms wrapped strongly around him and the warmth of Changkyun's breath against his own skin.

" _Changkyun_ ," he cried out, hugging the younger.

"I'm here," Changkyun spoke softly. "It was just a nightmare, you're okay. Everything is fine."

He started pressing kisses against Kihyun's forehead and cheeks, hoping that would calm him down at least a bit.

"Are you feeling better?" Changkyun asked.

"I think so," Kihyun sniffled.

The blond pecked the corner of Kihyun's lips. "Don't think about it. Just go back to sleep. You're safe as long as you're with me."

Thanks to Changkyun, Kihyun was asleep in no time. Maybe he was going to consider having more nightmares in the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> p.s my art blog on tumblr is matsukawass


	5. taste

_Your love is not really love until you waste it, a kiss is never a kiss until you taste it._

**—** **Munia** **Khan**

~~~

Changkyun was walking around, following Kihyun in the drugstore the latter convinced him to go to. He had some common knowledge of make up, thanks to his best friend, but he currently felt more than lost because of all the things Kihyun was looking at.

"What's that?"

"Highlighter," Kihyun mumbled, carefully observing the two different brands of highlighter, making Changkyun wonder if there was any difference. The only thing that looked different for him were the containers.

"What do you use it for?" Changkyun stepped closer.

"You know what contouring is, right?" The younger nodded lightly. "Well, highlighters are used for contouring."

Changkyun grabbed Kihyun's hand, resting his head on his shoulder. "You know you look good enough without make up, right?"

"Yes. But I also know that I look good with it, too."

"I bet you do." Changkyun smiled, pecking the older on the cheek.

They continued walking around, stopping at everything Kihyun laid eyes on.

It wasn't even exhausting. It was actually a good way to spend the afternoon together.

What made Kihyun happy was that Changkyun would grab his hand from time to time or even kiss him on the cheek. It was making him feel like Changkyun was already fully accepting himself and that he was in love with a boy.

On their way to Kihyun's house, they stopped at a cakery. They spent half an hour debating if they should take strawberry cheesecake or lemon tart. Since Kihyun loved strawberries and basically everything around him was connected with that fruit, he obviously wanted strawberry cheesecake.

"Why don't we take both?" Changkyun suggested.

"I don't have much money left," Kihyun pouted.

"I will pay for them, don't worry." Changkyun kissed the pink haired boy on the forehead, heading to the checkout.

This time they really went to Kihyun's house without stopping anywhere on the way. (Except for the times Changkyun wanted to pet cats and dogs that were previously peacefully wandering on the street.)

They were sitting in bed with plates full of strawberry cheesecake and lemon tart, watching a movie that Changkyun turned out to be too invested into. Kihyun was usually getting really distracted when he watched movies, but as long as there was someone else with him, he didn't have a problem watching.

But how could he possibly focus on the movie when Changkyun was next to him and he looked so beautiful? Even when he did nothing but watch a movie and eat lemon tart he looked amazing.

It sure was one of the many things that made Kihyun weak. And the list was probably never ending. He was so in love with the younger and the fact that he couldn't stay away from him was just proving it. He was ready to do everything for Changkyun to make him happy.

\--

The two boys went to the kitchen, leaving the empty plates in the sink. They decided they will watch another movie, so they started making hot chocolate.

At some point Changkyun just saw something on Kihyun's lips and decided to lick it off, realizing it was strawberry jello from the cheesecake.

 _Even his lips taste like strawberries_ , Changkyun thought, smiling to himself.

When he was done with his hot chocolate, he headed back to the bedroom, leaving a really confused Kihyun. Eventually, he followed Changkyun, still not being able to fully process what happened.

This time the movie was surprisingly more interesting for Kihyun than for Changkyun. Maybe it just showed how their taste in movies was different but for Changkyun it was a sign that Kihyun was into shitty movies and he had to work to fix that as soon as possible.

Unfortunately, it had to be endured until the very end. Changkyun wanted to excuse himself and go for more hot chocolate, but he knew that Kihyun was just going to pause and wait instead of continuing watching.

When it was finally over Changkyun made a mental note that if they watched two movies in row ever again, the one Kihyun chose was probably going to bore him to death and it wouldn't even end entertainingly.

Changkyun left the laptop on the ground next to the bed and the two already empty mugs and turned to the other, pulling him closer.

He was looking at the older's lips, wondering if their usual taste was of strawberries. What if it actually was? What if they tasted like strawberries even after he had drunk hot chocolate? It was so difficult to figure out. Even their color reminded of strawberries. There was only one way to find out.

"Kihyun, can I kiss you?"

He got a snort as a response. "You licked off strawberry jello off my lips and you're asking me for permission to kiss me?"

"Our lips didn't touch," Changkyun blushed. "It was different."

"Kiss me then."

Changkyun hesitated a bit. It wasn't just his first kiss with a boy, but his first kiss in general and he got really flustered. Before the closest to Kihyun's mouth he had kissed was the corner of his lips, which was making him wonder if he did that, why was he so nervous now.

He leaned in, starting off really clumsily, not sure what to do, but then he let Kihyun take control, letting himself be guided.

Eventually, his lips started moving naturally as soon as he immersed himself into the feeling of the kiss.

And maybe it was just that he really wanted it to be like that that he believed it, but Kihyun's lips really tasted like strawberries and even lemon tarts or any other sweets on Earth couldn't beat that.

When their lips parted Kihyun's hands up trailed up to Changkyun's cheeks, cupping them. He was breathing heavily, trying to gather his thoughts.

"Do you love me?" Kihyun suddenly blurted out, realizing it was kind of stupid a few seconds after.

At first Changkyun didn't take it so seriously until he saw the other's expression. "Of course I do."

"I mean in _that_ way."

Kihyun noticed how nervous Changkyun got. It was written all over his face. But he really wanted to know the answer to that question even if he wasn't planning on asking.

"Yes. I love you in _that_ way."

It was more than difficult to voice it out but it was what he truly felt. And if Kihyun asked, he had to be answered even if the question was making Changkyun take some time for his answer.

"After all, I'd only kiss a person I love and want to be in a relationship with."

Changkyun giggled at how blushy Kihyun got. He also cupped the other's cheeks and kissed him again.

"Let's watch another movie," Kihyun suggested innocently.

"But I will get to choose it."

"Okay, okay."

Changkyun kissed Kihyun one last time before taking the laptop again and searching for a movie that seemed interesting.

And he realized how comfortable and natural that felt.

Maybe he belonged just where he was.

Maybe they were just meant for each other.

Maybe changing was the right decision for Changkyun in order to be happy.

Because he really was.


	6. outro

_For the two of us, home isn't a place. It is a person. And we are finally home._

**— Stephanie Perkins**

~~~

A short trip to the countryside set the start of the morning for Changkyun and Kihyun.

It hadn't been long since Kihyun got his driving license, but he wanted to take Changkyun somewhere. Anywhere.

He impulsively decided that that place would be the countryside for its fresh air and clear night sky.

Changkyun was also very fond of the idea. He had too much work lately, so it was a good change of the routine.

The ride was full of loud off key singing to whatever song was playing on the radio and a lot of laughing. Changkyun found it extremely astonishing how Kihyun was such a great singer yet sometimes he could sound worse than some people auditioning for the X Factor. He liked it, though. That way it was more fun when they were singing together.

At times Changkyun was stealing glances of his boyfriend, hoping that he didn't notice. He couldn't get enough of how beautiful Kihyun was. He looked so ethereal while he was focused on the road, singing carelessly.

Suddenly, Kihyun let go of the gear shift and grabbed Changkyun's hand, his eyes still looking ahead of him. "Did you really think I wouldn't notice when you're staring?" Kihyun let out an airy chuckle.

"Sorry," Changkyun blushed, looking away.

"It's cute."

Soon they stopped in front of a house that turned out to be the place they were going to stay in for the next three days.

Changkyun got out first. He stretched, feeling how all of his bones and muscles were slowly coming back to life after two hours of sitting.

He walked to the trunk to take out their luggage. Just then he realized how much heavier Kihyun's suitcase was, making him wonder why did he take so many (heavy) things for just a few days.

He carried the two suitcases and folders into the house after Kihyun unlocked it. He left them next to the front door and waited for the pink haired male to lock the car and also walk in.

"You know," Changkyun started, tugging at Kihyun's gray cardigan that was reaching his knees, "now that we're in the right atmosphere, I realize you actually dress like a grandma."

"Sure," Kihyun rolled his eyes, trying to look annoyed, but he was actually on the verge of laughing. He pecked the ashy blond male on the lips and took his suitcase, heading to the bedroom on the second floor. The younger followed him, getting taken aback almost as soon as he walked into the room.

The room was leading to a wide balcony with a view to all the other houses in the village with their beautiful gardens, making Changkyun not want to leave that place. He could've stayed there forever.

Changkyun looked around in the room, admiring the interior, but his gaze somehow fixed outside again.

"This place is amazing," he said, looking at Kihyun, who was already unpacking.

"My grandparents used to live here," the older explained. "But now that they're gone, sometimes we come here with mom and dad on vacations and to clean up a bit since there's a lot of dust." He was now just sitting, looking at everything around himself with a nostalgic smile on his lips.

He looked noticeably sad, so Changkyun sat behind him, wrapping his arms firmly around the older's body.

Kihyun chuckled because of the ticklish feeling of Changkyun's lips pressed against the back of his neck.

"Do you want to go outside?" Changkyun suggested, wanting to distract Kihyun a bit from the thought of his grandparents. "We can unpack later."

"Okay."

\--

Changkyun carried Kihyun into the house and all the way to the bedroom bridal style while both of them were giggling quietly. He laid the older on the bed, lying next to him afterwards, pulling him closer by the waist.

"I had no idea festivals could be that intense in the countryside," Changkyun said with a loud sigh. "I'm so tired."

"Let's unpack tomorrow then." Changkyun nodded, burying his face in the crook of the other's neck. He probably had a thing for Kihyun's neck since he liked burying his face against it and kissing it so much.

The sun had already set and the only lighting, entering the room, was of the lights in front of the house.

They were used to cuddling in the dark, too lazy to turn any lamps on. It didn't bother them at all.

They were occasionally pecking each other either on the lips or the cheeks, smiling against each other's lips.

It had become the way how they spent most of their time together. It was just that they didn't need any words to communicate. They didn't need anything but each other's presence.

\--

The two males were leaning on the balcony's rail, looking at the calm scenery in front of them. Most houses were dark, but the lightning from the festival at the other end of the village was still very strong.

"I bet that we look like some old couple," Kihyun remarked with a giggle.

"Well, it feels like we are one," Changkyun smiled, grabbing Kihyun's hand.

"Just imagine us two living here, not being bothered by the city life. And growing old together." Kihyun rested his head on Changkyun's shoulder with a dreamy sigh.

"Do you actually want that?" The younger asked, a bit amused. "Growing old together, I mean."

"I really do. Is it a problem?"

"No, no... It's not a problem at all..."

Kihyun wasn't sure why Changkyun sounded so nervous, but he just waited for the other to say something else because it sounded like he wasn't done yet.

"If I asked you to... marry me... Would you do it?" Changkyun felt some sort of a lump in his throat as Kihyun looked up at him with an eyebrow raised.

"Of course I would."

"Then..." He let go of Kihyun's hand to take a ring out of his pocket. He turned to face him while putting it on the pink haired male's ring finger. "I think I don't need to ask a second time."

"For how long did you keep that in your pocket?" Kihyun asked, putting his free hand over his mouth as he felt heat spreading all over his cheeks and the tips of his ears. His eyes were already tearing up a bit.

"The whole day. I was just waiting for the right moment. I didn't even know it was going to happen today," Changkyun admitted. "It's just that... You changed me and manage to make me so happy and--"

"Changkyun, I love you so much," Kihyun cried out, wrapping his arms around Changkyun's neck.

As they kissed, Changkyun could taste the salty tears of joy that were coming from Kihyun's eyes.

It just proved to him how happy he made the older.

They belonged to each other and they were finally ready to make it more official than it already was.

"I love you, too," the ashy blond male whispered as their lips parted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for the second time in history!!! a finished fic
> 
> \--
> 
> my kik is majestic_pandicorn add me


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